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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24739189">perfect</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontgotothenetherworld/pseuds/dontgotothenetherworld'>dontgotothenetherworld</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Jagged Little Pill - Morissette &amp; Ballard/Morissette/Cody</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:47:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24739189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontgotothenetherworld/pseuds/dontgotothenetherworld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>nick confesses his feelings for reader through a letter. based on the first few verses of the song perfect. originally posted to my tumblr of the same username as an anon request on apr. 16, 2020.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nick Healy/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>perfect</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Anonymous asked:<br/>I loved your latest Nick fic! I had this idea from Perfect that some of the lyrics fit him and the reader as his best friend while they’re crushing but scared to admit it. Like “sometimes is never quite enough” because he always wants to see her and “how long before you screw it up? and how many times do I have to tell you to hurry up?” because he feels like he always screws up a chance to tell her how he feels but he keeps trying until he gets it right. If the idea is too specific that’s fine!</p><p>honestly, anon, you should be the one writing this, this is a really good idea. but i’ve already written it so..</p><p>i used four lyrics from the song! they’re from the beginning part, because they seemed like the only ones that could possibly be fit into a romantic context! i tried my best to make them direct quotes, but some have added words because the perspective of this song is kind of weird</p><p>1898 words</p><p>cw: femreader.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>nick stared at his phone screen. it went black, from inactivity.<br/>he turned it back on, to see your text. it was simple, just a few hearts.<br/>but nick couldn’t handle it. his brain flashed memories from the past few months with you. everytime he had tried to ask you out, to be more precise. tried and failed.<br/>he had tried so many times to work up the courage. he tried so many times to just say the right words. but now he was running out of time.<br/>it was your senior year. nick had gotten into harvard, and you had gotten into ucla. you were leaving each other. and these months were the last chance he would get to finally just say the words. the three little words.<br/>and, hey! there were no consequences, right? earlier, nick was terrified that he would screw up your friendship, but you were moving away. and people stop being friends when they move away. it doesn’t have to be that way, but if nick did screw up the whole relationship, then at least the two of you wouldn’t have to be near each other, and have that as a constant reminder.<br/>so now there was literally nothing that could go wrong, but nick was just so scared.<br/>he was paralyzed. a single tear fell down his cheek. suddenly, an idea stuck him.<br/>he took a deep breath, as he began to formulate. he would write a letter to you. he didn’t have to give it to you, he just needed to get all of the words he wanted to say out.<br/>maybe he would give it to you. maybe he didn’t want to have to see your face when he told you all his pent up emotions. but maybe he did.<br/>if you reciprocate the feelings, he wanted to watch you react. but you might not. you probably don’t, and so nick should give you the letter. that way you can let him down easily, without the harshness of an initial reaction.<br/>nick flattened a piece of lined paper on his desk. he picked up the pen you gave him. it was years ago now, but this would be the first time he’d ever used it. it was for special occasions. and this was definitely special.<br/>”dear y/n,” he began. “i am in love with you. i’ve been in love with you since we were sophomores. do you remember homecoming? at the end of the night, when everyone found new energy as the final song started up, you told me something. you probably didn’t put much thought into it, but i think about it nearly everyday. you told me that i’m perfect. do you remember that? it caught me off guard. we hadn’t been talking, just laughing at nothing and dancing, and you told me that i’m perfect. and then when the song ended, you hugged me. i think that’s when i realized i had feelings for you. romantic ones, that is.<br/>”i don’t know when it happened, but sometime last year i really fell in love with you. maybe it was seeing you with paint all over your face, after we got distracted from making posters. or maybe it was on facetime, when you let me rant to you for the thousandth time about how stressed i always am. but i think it was when you held my hand during the scary part of some cheesy horror movie that i can’t remember the name of.<br/>”and after i fell, i realized that sometimes is never quite enough. i couldn’t just be with you sometimes, i had to be with you every chance that i could. so if it seemed like i was just making up reasons to hang out with you, i was. i hope you don’t mind.<br/>”yet being with you constantly turned out to stab me in the back. do you remember gabe? godlike gabe is how i thought of him. you put him on such a pedestal. you thought he was so incredible, so perfect. perfect body, perfect grades, and he always had the perfect thing to say. he had no flaws. and i know you never meant for it to impact me the way it did, but everytime you mentioned him, it was like you were just stabbing a dagger through my heart. a dagger engraved with the words, “if you’re flawless, then you’ll win my love.” and all i saw were my flaws, and i felt like they were on full display to you, so you could never love me.<br/>”and i couldn’t tell you about how this made me feel, not if i wanted to keep my love for you a secret. so, i told you about other things. my family, the stress that they put me under. your family is much different than mine, so you didn’t really know what to say, but you did tell me “don’t forget to keep that smile on your face” when you tricked me into laughing at your horrible puns, and that helped. you told me that my smile was cute, so i tried to smile more when i was around you. and then you would smile, and i’d forget about all my flaws.”<br/>nick put his pen down. he hadn’t said everything he wanted to yet, but needed a moment to regain himself. he didn’t want to deliver a letter stained with tears to you. he leaned back in his chair, thinking of what he had left.<br/>with a deep breath, he began again, “i would sometimes wonder how long it would be before i screwed it up. how long before i said something stupid, like “i love you.” so i guess this is that time. i’ve waited to tell you, because you are the best friend i’ve ever had, and i don’t want to lose you. but i can’t be just friends with you. i have tried, but i need to tell you i love you. if you don’t have feelings for me, that’s fine. i waited to tell you until our graduation, when we’re going to be on opposite sides of the country, so that if you don’t feel the same, our parting will be more natural. if you don’t, i would still like to be friends with you, but not right away.<br/>”y/n, i know you better than i know myself. you are going to succeed at whatever you put your mind to. california doesn’t know what’s coming.<br/>”love, nick.”<br/>nick read over his letter. “this is shit.” he muttered to himself. it was like he had written a fucking essay on you. that’s not how you tell someone you love them.<br/>he read his words once more. he decided he wasn’t going to use it. he would just tell you in person, maybe hitting on the point he had made in the letter. it’d seem less awkward and rigid than this.<br/>yet, he tucked the letter into an envelope, and put it in an often unused pocket of his backpack.<br/>he tried to forget about it, and go to sleep. but it was a restless sleep. every time he glanced at the clock, convinced that hours had passed, only a minute had.<br/>when he finally gave up on a restful sleep, he dragged himself out of bed, the only solace being a cup of coffee.<br/>finals, his last finals of high school, were coming up soon. and instead of studying, he had written a shitty fucking love letter to a girl that would never see him as more than a friend. he completely checked out when his family began talking. talking in their incessantly loud voices, about mundane topics.<br/>his sister, frankie asked him something. not wanting to seem like he wasn’t paying attention, he said, “uh yeah, sure. sounds great.” and frankie gave him a hug. which was weird, but nick didn’t have mental energy to question it.<br/>later that day, after the final bell rang and frankie hopped into nick’s car, frankie said, “you’re welcome.”<br/>nick furrowed his eyebrows. “you’re welcome what?”<br/>frankie rolled her eyes. “for being the best little sister ever, obviously.”<br/>the look on nick’s face was not amused. “what did you do.”<br/>”well, you know how you told me you wanted me to give that letter to y/n this morning?”<br/>nick’s heart rate picked up. the letter. “i didn’t say that.”<br/>”well, i remember you did, and i already gave it to y/n. so you’re welcome.”<br/>”what?” nick screamed. the car suddenly felt so small, the windows closing in on him.<br/>”this morning, i asked you if you wanted me to give the letter to y/n, and you said that that sounded like a great idea, i don’t see why you’re freaking out right now. can you hurry up and drive us home? i have loads of physics homework that i need to get to.”<br/>the world seemed to rotate around nick. “frankie, i was half asleep, was that not obvious? and why did you have my letter in the first place? did you got through my backpack again? you need to stop doing that!”<br/>frankie shrunk into her seat. “sorry. but you shouldn’t agree to things you don’t hear.”<br/>”you are not going to blame me for this!” nick took out his phone, and quickly sent you a text, “hey did frankie give you a letter today? have you read it yet? if you haven’t, do you mind waiting until after graduation to read it? please no follow up questions about the letter’s contents if you have not read it.”<br/>nick then threw his phone into the backseat, and began pulling out of the school parking lot.<br/>”so what was in the letter? did you finally confess your love to y/n?” asked frankie.<br/>nick’s face flushed, and he didn’t reply.<br/>taking his silence as an answer, frankie said, “well good for you, then. and hey, with y/n’s dna, you have a 50/50 chance of making cute babies.”<br/>nick continued to ignore frankie’s comments all the way home.<br/>”do you think y/n will still want to be friends with me, even when we’re no longer sister-in-laws, and she’s on her second husband? or wife? or spouse? is y/n queer?” frankie gasped, “maybe i could be her second wife!”<br/>”get out.” nick said, pulling into the driveway.<br/>”i have the kindest brother.” she said with sarcasm dripping from her voice.<br/>nick sneered at her.<br/>after he parked his car, he took a deep breath and picked up his phone. NUMBER texts from you. “yeah, frankie like ran up to me in the middle of the hallway. that was weird.”, “i haven’t had time to read it yet, why is it bad?”, “wait, ignore that question. i will conveniently forget the letter’s existence until after we’ve graduated<br/>”yes, please forget about it for the next two weeks. wait no, less than two weeks. frankie wasn’t supposed to give that to you, sorry.” he sent back.<br/>”give what to me? ha ha…”<br/>”please don’t remind me that graduation is that soon ugh.” you double texted.<br/>”i know :(“ nick sent.</p>
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